Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
