she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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