could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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