She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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