so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
