Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
