i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
