Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
