If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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