perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
