Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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