i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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