Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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