God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
