he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
