theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
