Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
