I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
