In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
