We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
