dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
