Can i not drive my cunt home
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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