No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
