Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
