they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
