We named our party play list daddy issues
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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