just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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