I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
