It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
