Dual....:-)
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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