so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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