Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
