The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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