You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
