just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
