she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Randomize
