she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
