On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
