You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
