she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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