thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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