I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
