Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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