Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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