I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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