HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Randomize
