I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
