Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I wear drunk well.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
