I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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