I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
