last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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