The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
