It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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